April 5, 2010-2nd Entry

I guess this is a perfect example of why journals have never worked for me. I always think it's a good idea, but don't have the drive or motivation or attention span to stick with it. One post every 8 months does not a blog make, but, who's to say what is right or wrong in the world of blogging.

What have I been up to you ask? Not much. Finished big therapy. Now I'm back to once a week. Things have not been going all that great lately, so I guess that explains the need for another entry. I find myself slipping back into the rabbit hole once again. I'm bored, distracted, disinterested, and all I want to do is sleep. Sounds just like the downward spiral from last summer. I am much more aware of it this time and I am doing my best to stay on top of it. But, who knows if I won't find myself back at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party before long. I wish I understood my moods better and had more control of them. But, alas, I was blessed with flawed genetics in the mental health department.

I'm working again, but I don't find it incredibly inspiring or interesting. Once again I have a job that simply gives me a paycheck instead of a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I'm currently taking a motivational psychology class which I find more than a little ironic. I can't motivate myself to write the paper that was due a week ago let alone the one that is due today. Drive, determination and motivation have never been my strong points. I admire people who know what they want to be when they grow up. Too bad I am not one of them.

I wish someone could tell me what my passion is. They say if you work in a field you are passionate about, you'll enjoy your work. I don't have any passions. I've been trying to work out what I'm passionate about for about 20 years and I still don't have anything. What is passion? What is drive? What motivates people to get out of bed in the morning? God I wish I knew.

More later................I have to write a paper about motivation. :)